Christian parents, we want our children to love the Lord, and to build a relationship with Him, because everything else in life hinges on that.
Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.” (Matthew 22:37-38 NIV)
We should also remember this well cited verse.
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6 KJV)
Just over a month ago, our only child, a daughter, married a man tailor-made for her. He loves the Lord, and they are serving Him together in youth ministry. We couldn’t be more pleased watching them becoming the people God is calling them to be.
How did we get from birth to marriage, serving the Lord together? Before I answer, I’ll tell you how it didn’t happen. It didn’t happen by accident. It didn’t happen without our constant involvement or while we weren’t looking. It didn’t happen without intentional parenting. And it didn’t happen without mistakes.
For perspective, our daughter is strong-willed and all we prayed for. I’ll explain. While we were praying for our unborn child, we prayed she would love and serve the Lord, and would be strong enough to stand up for the things she believed in—so she could stand against a world against God. We prayed for many other things, such as health, protection, choices, friends, future spouse, etc.
God answered in a big way. We were so naïve in our prayers, but I’m convinced God knew we needed to pray it. We needed this strong-willed child because of the life He’s planning for her and her husband.
So how did we navigate raising the independent, argumentative, sharp-witted, totally fearless, super confident personality God gave us? We raised her in the way she should go, with great intent. Carefully.
First, understand, it was no accident. Right or wrong, we took Proverbs 22:6 to mean we were to train up our child in the personality God gave her, to do the things He planted within her, because He is a God of intent. Whatever personality He gave her, He gave for a reason. Whatever He placed deep in her heart, He planted there for His purpose. It was our challenge to set her on the right path, pointed in the right direction, focused on Jesus with a priority the world doesn’t understand.
I’m not going to lie. It was messy. I don’t mean teenage rebellion. We never had cause to worry about her actions or activities. She policed herself in who she drew into her circle. She cared less if she “fit in” or was “left out.” It never phased her to call out an adults in the wrong. Honestly, I am proud of her boldness. The challenge was teaching her the right way to handle herself and the truth.
Trust me when I say whatever came to her mind often came out of her mouth. I know there are some moms and dads reading this right now saying, “Amen, I know exactly what you’re talking about!”
I get it! Raising another human being is work!
We must be involved in our children’s lives, always looking for opportunities. As an only child, our roles with our daughter blurred. We were not only her parents, but also her playmates. Playing games, we were constantly teaching her something even when she was unaware. We made teaching games of many playtime opportunities, sometimes learning basic math skills, and sometimes learning how to think outside the box. We talked about God, reinforced faith in many of those games.
We must be intentional in everything we teach our children, from how to form letters, use words and the best way to say them. We must be intentional in the things we do around them, including the example we set. What are our priorities? Where do we spend our time and money? What words do we use when we’re angry? We must be intentional in the discipline we choose, apply reasoning and rational, while being creative so lessons stick.
Were we perfect? No. We aren’t perfect parents, and she isn’t perfect. In fact, we shouldn’t expect other parents or other kids to be perfect, either. But we should expect to lead them to Jesus, to teach them to love Him above all things, as everything else in life hinges upon their love and relationship with Christ. It sounds as simple, but it is not. Parents must be present, attentive, and intentional.
Is our daughter still strong-willed and imperfect? Yes. Is it a challenge for her husband? Nah. He holds his own, they’re well matched.
My daughter and son-in-law have barely begun their lives together, but one day, they will pray over their own children, training them in the way they should go, and teaching them to love the Lord above all.
Rita Halter Thomas is a pastor’s wife. She serves the Lord alongside her husband, daughter, and son-in-law. Rita is a student and teacher of the Word. She is award-winning author, editor, and owner www.thewriteeditor.com. Connect with Rita on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, or by email at rita.thomas0828@outlook.com.
